Oh Kimchi, you're creeping up on me!

It's not the end of my trip in Korea yet, but I have to write this (and the fact that I'm on a 3.5hr bus journey from Donghae to Seoul with nothing much to do☺️). Generally, Koreans are kind and friendly people! Here's why:

1) We were given candies by some strangers, twice so far! Once when I was on a train & holding a Lonely Planet - Korea in my hand. Another while we were taking panorama photos on Ulleung Island. Candies sure put smiles on our faces. 😄

2) It's the first time that I find language barrier very hard to deal with. Nevertheless, Koreans still want to help us! So sign language (and iTranslator app) is handy at desperate times. 😂

3) Our Gangneung accomodation host (from Airbnb) assisted us in finding ferry and accomodation on Ulleung Island. We did not make bookings because based on my research in the internet, the island has plenty of space for visitors and May is not a peak season yet. Most said no bookings needed! We were not aware that the weekend we planned for the Ulleung-Do trip is a Korean long weekend, and locals flock to Ulleung-Do like nobody's business. So she made calls here and there to get details and made arrangements. Now we are safely back from Ulleung-Do.😃. In the brief travel hiatus that we were in, my good Korean friend Lenny also helped out. So yay!

4) Hafizah & I were the only 'species' on the the remote island Ulleung. So we did get stares from top to bottom, but when we smile and bow, they smiled back. Most will ask where we are from in Korean language. I kind of understand their question already. And quickly answered 'Malaysia'. 😁 

5) Two young Korean girls we met at the Attack Camp hostel in Ulleung-Do gladly let us follow them explore the island together. They are very friendly and gave us many presents. By 'presents' I meant thirst-quenching pumpkin juice, ramen noodle & tuna kimchi. In return, we bought coffee for them. 😁 I also kind of promised to invite them to my wedding in Malaysia. Have no idea where that came from, but I did it! Oh well... At least they have a reason to visit Malaysia! Hehe.

So yeah, random acts of kindness exist in Korea! 

These are partly the reasons I love to travel to different countries; To continue learning, to embrace positivity & to show that no matter what our backgrounds are, inside we are still the same. 😊

Note: I'm really getting the hang of Kimchi! 

The mysterious island Ulleung-Do...so they say, and I concur! 🙋🏻

Finding that 'something' while traveling

I remember my first traveling experience when I was 5 years old. Fortunate enough to be at one of a wildlife park in Sydney, I was offered a chance to hold a Koala bear for a pose for the camera. I was scared at the thought of something alive (and nearly half my size) clinging on to me. Trying to be brave, I put one palm on the Koala bear, and smiled at the camera.

Now and then, that simple memory always comes back to me. Never at that point, did I think that I could have a thirst to travel around the world; A yearning to meet new people, experience different surroundings and way of life others; A desire to visit other countries, and just be grateful that back in Malaysia I am blessed with so many things; A need to remind me to always be humble and be awed at the beauty of God's nature; And of course, from that Koala flashback; the courage to be brave and try new things.

In all honesty, I did not realize the meaning of traveling since day one. Nor did I embrace all of the above immediately. All I knew was that I love to travel and visit places away from home. But you see, age makes you wiser. One day, it hit me and I questioned myself "Why do I travel? What good do I get from spending money at some country to be out all day and be tired at the end of the day? How could I make traveling a way to improve myself and be closer to Allah SWT?" The last question hit me so hard. Because in Islam, everything you do is supposed to be for the good and you do it because of Allah SWT. I admit that I am not a perfect Muslim. But deep inside, there is this obligation to always try to improve myself.

This epiphany lead me to a new meaning of traveling. From that day onwards, I promised myself that this passion of traveling should lead to a good outcome. God made the people in every part of the world different for a reason. We should learn from each other; soak in all the good things from other countries or communities. What's bad could be a reminder to us and an awakening to be grateful for what we have back at home. Most importantly, it should be for the improvement of oneself.

Of course, technology made it possible for me to see and watch all of this from my own idiot box, computer or smartphone. But seeing/watching is different from being there and experiencing it yourself. Getting out of the box gives everything a whole new meaning. Trust me.

From one traveler to the next, here's a reminder: 
Travel not just because you can, but also because you want to improve yourself. And while you are at it, explore new things, take chances. Life is too short to say "I'll do it next time!"

Gravity

Music has, and always will relate to my life. Happy or sad. I could always count on music to celebrate me, or heal me for that matter. But there's also that possibility of feeling melancholy when I hear certain songs. Especially break-up songs or songs that remind me of someone special who has been in and out of my life.

There are times, a certain song and lyrics can hit a bulls-eye; relating to exact moments or someone in my life.

Today, that song is Sarah Bareilles' Gravity. http://youtu.be/rEXhAMtbaec

Sara Bareilles - Gravity
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.
[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
[CHORUS]
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.


I've always thought that her piano work in that song is superb. The piano work could really hit you to the core. Never got deep into the lyrics though...until today. It brought tears to my eyes because the words describe what I went through (truthfully, I'm still dealing with it) with a special person in my life.

They say that time heals all wounds. Believe me, it's crap. If it's true, why oh why after 5 years, there are times I find myself thinking of him and crying as a result. This is one of the things that puzzled me. I thought I had let it go. But it seems like the wound is still very much fresh. Would it ever heal? Would I be able to love this much? I guess I still need to depend on time, even if it has failed me, over and over again.

I'll never not be your girl

Sahur and High Heels

It was the 15th day of Ramadhan and as usual, my family was up at 5-ish AM for Sahur. And naturally, while eating sahur, we watched the idiot box in the TV room, because it’s more interesting than sitting at the dining table, watching each others’ sleepy/bored face, forcing down food in the wee hours of the morning.

Sometimes Baba got the TV remote first and changed to…drumroll please…Golf Channel 815. We couldn’t always argue with the Head of the House’s choice. I myself have got more or less acquainted to golf (tak main pun, tapi I get the hang of it laah). So when Adam Scott made a comeback by winning a Major (PGA Championship) I was kind of wow-ed. I also found it fascinating when the lady commentator said Adam Scott has a text-book golf swing (In other words, straight lines everywhere. In other words, perfect golf swing lah tuu). I wonder if Adam’s latest win has anything to do with ditching Ana Ivanovic …

Anyway….(slapped myself for getting carried away)

This morning though, it was Ira who got the TV remote first. Ira scanned through the movie channels and settled for a movie which title did not register in my mind, and hence I can’t mention it here. But I remember Justin Long was in it. After a few minutes of trying to work out what I was actually watching (note: brain not functioning well at 5 AM), there came a scene where the woman, while sleeping on a bed, was attacked by a horrible looking ‘creature’ which eerily crawled over her. Neurons sparked in my brain and I figured that we were watching a horror movie! NOOO, absolutely NO at that hour! No thanks if you want to remind me of The Exorcist. I grabbed the Astro remote, while shouting at Ira for her choice of channel (poor her, I felt guilty now) and flipped through to my favourite channel range… 700-ish.

On 712, Australia’s Next Top Model Cycle 6 Finale was on. I made a comment to everyone that this episode was interesting because the host made a HUGE blunder of announcing the wrong winner. Baba and Mummy was quite amused by this fact and said “hah! jom tengok ni!”.

And there we were, watching Aussie NTM. These models wore heels so high that Baba commented “hmmm, ada setengah kaki kot heels dia.” Congratulations, Ba. You managed to make us, the girls and Mummy laugh so early in the morning!

Then, he said “Kenapa nak pakai heels tinggi-tinggi? She’s already tall!”

To which Mummy answered, “Biarlah, actually kan, pakai heels ni makes us more confident tau.”

Baba laughed at Mummy’s comment and snigger, “ye ke?”

I thought to myself, yes on those rare occasions that I wear high heels to work, I DO feel more confident. Albeit the real reason I wear it is to make me taller, Mummy’s statement made me realize that I wear it to feel more sure and confident of myself too. Gaya executive la, bak kata Uncle Aris. Hahahha.

So I added, “Eh betul jugak Mi. Lina rasa more confident kalau pakai high heels.”

The next thing Baba did was so funny, I nearly choked off my kurma.

He stood up on tip-toes to make it look like wearing heels and walked in front of us, swaying away while doing the comically mocking face of his and asking us, “Ni ke rasa confident? Tak rasa pun!!!”

We laughed so hard at Baba’s act. Baba can be so funny you could never imagine.

Shortly after, the Azan Subuh was heard, and Kakak and I finished doing the dishes. On the way up to my room, I passed by the TV room. It turned out the Head of The House dah tukar to his favourite channel, where dimpled white balls roll on green grasses. Haih…so much for Aussie Next Top Model! We didn’t even reach the part where the host made the blunder! DKJ, DKJ….

Selamat Berpuasa to all Muslims! May we gain much from this 2nd leg of Ramadhan.

P/S #1: To Abang Hafeez yang tak suka sahur tu, ada interested nak join we all sahur after this??
P/S #2: Head of The House = DKJ = Baba = :)

Fumbling Towards That Grin - An Excerpt

A change of heart is not expected when it comes to being with him. Afif is God's creation who is perfect in every way, physical-wise and personality-wise. But Ana is asking herself why she is feeling uneasy this past few months with the man that she thought she would spent the rest of her life with. It is at these times that Ana wonders whether there is such thing as fate. and if there is, why it is so cruel to let her be in this position. A position that could be seen as perfectly coordinated, more towards a fairy-tale kind of ending, but deep inside, the uncertainty of her heart is vibrating with such atrociousness, that it is counter-reacting all those wonderful feelings of having fallen in love with Afif. Ana is afraid that soon, the wonderful feelings will be concealed, not allowing for any rescue effort. Save the frantic calls of help. Save all those happiness of being with each other. Save the drama.

Truth be told, Afif and Ana were worlds apart. If Afif is the Sun, Ana is the moon. If Afif is Mars, Ana is just plain old Jupiter. It's funny that they got together. It's even funnier that they have worked it out for 6 years. And just when they would be tied together with God as their witness, this came in. This, came right in. Yes, this, rolled in like that can of soda on a steep slide. This...this is called the secret that should have been locked and dropped into the deepest crevasse, never to be found by anyone. But somehow, it surfaced, and the truth is more than Ana could handle...

By: Haslina Kamaruzzaman

Nov 2008

iPhone Killed the Novels

A few months ago, I bought the exclusive and so-called cool iPhone4. It was about time that I go with the flow and change to a stylish communication device. Oh well. It's not only a communication device, most importantly if you haven't know, the iPhone is an all-important entertainment device. Very handy indeed, especially at times of desperate measures. Keyword: bored.

My previous phone has keypads. I mean whoever uses phones with keypads nowadays?! *sorry, berlagak. couldn' resist* Eh jap. Berries have keypads kan? *ok, I'll stop berlagak now!* ;P

Eversince the day I bought the iPhone, I haven't been able to keep my hands off it. There's so much to do with an iPhone. Even in the house, the iPhone is CONSTANTLY beside me. A member of the family has complained that I keep looking at my phone. oops.

However, there's a bad side to all this iPhone craze - I haven't been reading my novels! Which is quite sad if I really dwell into it. :( I mean, I love my novels. And to think that I killed my reading passion just cause of technology?! Screw you iPhone for being such a temptation!!

*Okay, back to making burgers on the iPhone. Eh jap, it's my turn to play Words with Friends on the iPhone...*

Help!

A revelation

Funny how my blog seems to be a dump of mostly the sad stories of my life. And here I am again feeling all low....

How you became so attached to me, I haven't got a clue. It's not what I wanted, it's certainly not what I prayed for. Because I was scared that if I put a 100% want, and constantly prayed to be with you, I'd be putting my heart on a thin thread, anticipating the fall. But what good does it make?? Despite all these, despite how hard I tried to push you away, the feelings refuse to butt out!

Not many people know of the story of us. Who would want to share a sad ending right? Oh, I forgot we didn't even start!

But congratulations, you somehow have the power to make me cry now and then; in the shower, right before sleep, or anytime when my mind decided to pick on you.

I thought I needed a diversion. To see things/know people in different perspectives. But diversions didn't help. I'm far too weak to let you go.

It was a devastating revelation I encountered today. At the back of my mind, I always wondered how I would react if you found someone else. Oh it turns out that it's the usual dealings; with pain and tears, I turned to my blog. I wonder when I could get over you. Because that'll be the day this pain will ease away. That'll be the day, my heart will be free.

The question is: Is hate the last resort? I sure hope not. :(

I would, if I felt it

Love is one tricky bitch. OkayThanksBye.

All hail the Putrajaya Botanical Gardens

My FB status early this morning went something like this... 'Haslina Kamaruzzaman is up early to burn some naughty calories'. Indeed. The lazy (at dragging my butt to exercise) me went cycling at Putrajaya Botanical Gardens with Raimi and Hafizah (good old Bangians & Adelaideans they are :)).

Wait, I can't resist this... HOOOORAH Lina! YOU shed some sweat! Please continue for the sake of the Energizer Run in April...

Okay. Back to Putrajaya Botanical Gardens. So you see, I was amazed when I reached this place. How come I've never known that it existed before??

Greens all around, serene lakes and water to keep the atmosphere cool, fresh air for the lungs, well-maintained jogging & bicycle tracks, fun water activities like kayak and boat cruise, not-at-all-shabby canopy bridge, small dam that resembles a teeny-weeny Niagara Falls, long boardwalks by the lake, bikes for hire, artsy Moroccan building, and of course, abundance of trees, shrubs and flower plants to satisfy the eyes.

I'm not kidding, this is a place to escape from the daily hustle-bustle of the city. A place to chill out with your family and friends. A place to bring your kids to teach them to appreciate the wonders of nature.

Bicycles could be hired at a cheap rate of RM4 per hour. But beware that you need to get there early as they run out fast. The 3 of us happily cycled for an hour. Thank God for gears on the bikes. The uphill ride would be painful without the gears!

I only wished that they could open the information counter (where you hire the bikes) way earlier than 9am. I mean come on, the sun is already reaching its high by that time. 7am or 8am (at most) would be better.

I would recommend to anyone to go there. But please, keep the place clean. It's a fact that Malaysians are famous for littering in public places. So, have some sanity people! I hope that this place could be enjoyed by us and the generations ahead too.

Although I fell flat on my butt due to overly-excited bike ride (can't remember the last time I rode a bike!) and due to taking the road less travelled, I'm plain happy because I've discovered a place where nature is there for me to revel in. I mean, doesn't that make you happy? Of course, spending time with wonderful girlfriends is another reason I came back happy. :D

Tears

Once, I heard that news of death of someone you know (family, relative, friend, family of friends) will come to you for 7 times subsequently (each different person) before the 'no more death news' phase starts. The cycle will then continue...

Ever since I knew of this, everytime a death of someone I know occurs, I find that the fact above is more or less true. Although 7 is not the usual number, it's certainly more than 1.

When I was young, and even now, I'm scared that the bad news will arrive. Especially that of someone very very close to me.

What each of us is, is just a piece of clay. Someday we'll be buried alongside all the occupants of the soil. I know I'm not ready to leave, for there is so much I haven't done. Now, when we still have time, let's keep reminding each other that death is upon us, sooner or later. The big question is, have we done enough to prepare for the afterlife?

Rest in peace, Kak FA's mom, a truly inspiring & giving person, may Allah SWT bless you. Amin.

Dream interpretation

I was in the shower just now. According to Mummy, night shower is not a good thing. You could catch a fever. It's been 2 weeks I have been feeling like 'catching a fever'. Hmmm...whatever lah Mummy. I love you still though. :) Plus, I felt all sweaty after playing Wii Boxing with Liyana tadi. Oh, they were here since petang to eat Mummy's Nasi Dagang. And I should mention this...I love their coming-overs.

Fresh nye rasa lepas mandi! Boleh tidur terus kot! But hair is still wet. Moreover, I'm here now to write about a sudden inspiration while showering just now - Dreams interpretation

You see, while I was shampooing my hair just now, this particular dream kept coming into mind. Elevator(or 'lifts' as we Malaysians usually say). The dream involves me inside an elevator for quite a number of times. I was in the elevator, stopping on floors. I could not recall what building it was. the weird thing is, I was alone. And it was at night. creepy betul kalau fikirkan yeah? but, if I remember, nothing bad happens. fuuhhh..nasib baik. It would have become a nightmare if something bad happens, right?

Did some googling on dreams interpretation. At the top of the searh, Google throws me a link to this site: www.dreammoods.com

here's the description:

Elevator
To dream that you are ascending in an elevator, represents a rise to status and wealth. You may have risen to a higher level of consciousness and are looking at the world from an elevated viewpoint. If the elevator is moving upward in an out of control fashion or it crashes through the roof, then it indicates that you are being catapulted to a position of power in which you do not yet know how to deal with. You are afraid of the new responsibilities ahead for you. Descending in an elevator, suggests that you are being grounded or coming back down to reality. It also signifies setbacks and misfortunes.

In general, the up and down action of the elevator represents the ups and downs of your life. It also symbolizes emotions and thoughts that are emerging out of and submerging into your subconscious. Alternatively, the dream may have sexual connotations.

To dream that the elevator is out of order or that it is not letting you off, symbolizes that your emotions have gotten out of control. It may be a reflection of your life or your career. You are feeling stuck in some aspect of your life, whether it is your career, relationship, etc.

To dream that the elevator is moving sideways, means that your efforts are counterproductive. You are going nowhere in your work, relationship or other situation.

Hmpph..I'm half sure that I was going upwards. Ok, lah, boleh YEY! however, as i said not 100% sure. so not a big YEY kot. yey je.

Sometimes it took a few days for me to remember a dream. It's like suddenly, out of the blue, a certain dream emerge in my head. Have you experienced that? Tell me I'm not alone!

Eh, boleh buat research lah pasal dreams. I'm sure in this era, research on dreams is done very thoroughly. I bet there's some kind of a machine where they could capture your dreams? (I blame Hollywood movies on this thought). If not pun, a machine that could analyse your dreams through brain activity. Such an interesting subject to do research on kan?

Recurring dreams is another weird thing. I do experience it. But what do they mean? At the top of my head, repeated dreams:

1. I'm in a basement carpark, trying to find a way out.
2. Me living in a house with many residents. Like a dorm. Location is always the same.
3.

*yawn again*

let's sambung this post nanti. mengantuk nya! kita pause dulu ye...

I'm a keeper, not a thrower

So i was being so un-me petang today. went through my room and kemas what needs to be kemas ages ago. okay, maybe part of it was because guests are coming tomorrow (Note:Mummy will prepare her famous nasi dagang. yumm!). And i found many things that reminds me of what happens in the past few months(includes 12 months ago). You see, I keep things. you name it...

1. movie tickets
2. concert tickets
3. MPH receipt for a novel "Love the one You are With"( nanti dapat rebate tax maa..as if i have ever paid tax lah...gaji pun berapa je..but i have a feeling next year is my maiden year to pay tax)
4. Maybank withdrawal receipt. correction: receiptsssssssssssss
5. photos when i was 12 years old (somehow they were on my dresser. piled up waiting to be kept back into albums)
6. birthday card from Mummy and Baba
7. wedding invitations of dear Adelaide friends
8. Last year's raya card from Anis
9. This year's raya card from Pijah (the only 2 raya cards i got this year. the other was from my CIO Dato Razali. He gave every Muslim a raya card. coolness betul.)
10. expired MPH vouchers (bummer!)
11. OBM photo.
12. Folded for who-knows-how-many-times OBM song sheet. no i didn't turn out singing "I've got the OB spirit, up in my head!". coz it's just no fun singing it alone...
12. orchestra itenarary that i went with 'a' guy. (i did mention the past months kan? months can easily be years ago also). ok, this brought back painful memories, which i don't feel like talking about right now...
13. a cloak keychain from Sweden. thanks kakak dear!
14. MNG blouse tag. Yes, i keep brand tags too.
15. Maxis bills
16. a brochure to a resort in Pulau Kapas.
17. a Chinese stamp with my name in Chinese letters. Thanks abg hafeez dear! which reminds me of u. i miss you, and kak niza, and Umar chomot. :(
18. the receipt to A Famosa bungalow that i went with Raimi and the girls. brought back memories of our trip to Melaka (last year kot). That bungalow ada private swimming pool siott. and we sure had a great time lepak by the pool...and gossip lah :P
19. MARA slip that says i'm 4 months overdue. oopss. but dah settle those overdues. months ago dah settle. i paid in advance summore after that!
20. a post-it note that says - "There's a kind of love that gives you the courage to be better than who you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible.." When i found it, i stuck it straight onto my magnetic board.
21. banyak lagi...but i'm too tired to list it all down. (remember i have to wake up early tomorrow. guests are coming. I should end this post soon!)

So you see why i call myself a keeper? i KEEP things. little things, big things. things that will REMIND me in the future what i did. what i bought. who broke my heart. when exactly i had a good time with girlfriends. why i need to pay bills/loans on time. how i ended up going to Yuna's concert (Liyana had a lot to do with it). and more importantly, why a photo taken 13 years ago was brought out, piled on my dresser.

I don't ever call them junks. all these bits and pieces are memories i truly cherish, even the painful ones should be reminded...so to keep myself from doing the same mistakes again.

if i had just throw all the receipts away, that happy journey to Pulau Kapas with Camy and Raimi might have been erased from a portion of my memory. Who knows? I might have forgotten the fact that love DOES exists after all. it just never lasts as long as i wanted it to be.

All this also reminds me that I need to delve on ways to practising smart storage in my small room ;). I believe IKEA has the answer.

Good night all!

It's alright, I'm checking out

I can't figure out which one hurts most; knowing I made a fool of myself or simply knowing the truth.

Sometimes you do things just because your instincts tells you so. Sometimes you do things just because others told you to do it. But no matter how much I depend on others' say, it always wounds down to my instinct that has the final say.

There are a lot to reason out on why I thought my instinct was right. But then again, there are a lot of reasons that doesn't make perfect sense. I went for it anyway, because it just felt right.

Sometimes I ask myself why it's easy for others, and not me. Truth is, I know the answer to my own question already. An answer that will make me look at a brighter patch out of the darkness. And that's how I pick myself up and thought the tears is just not worth it...

The cycle

Strange things are happening to my cycle. If you haven't notice, I'm from the XX chromosome... otherwise known as a female...a woman. Put 2 and 2 together, you can guess which 'cycle' I'm talking about.


It's worrying me, and I have no idea where it's coming from. I don't think I'm in a state of stress. Er, totally not. Mummy suggested that maybe it's because I've been soo excited about the new job. Errr...yes I am happy with the new job...but 'excited' is not the word! Hmmpph, last time this happened was when I was in Form 4. I was homesick in MRSM Jasin. S0 that explains the earliness. And that time I couldn't be bothered. Wobbly menstruation at 16 is not a big deal. Did I say wobbly menstruation? gee..where did that come from...

It's not just the earliness...ada lagi points which I don't think I feel like putting into words right now. beginning to think that readers might find this post grrrrross and personal. If u are a female, u'd understand. Guys? I don't think so. tapi kan...sooner or later, guys have to understand cause at some point, u will be living with a woman kan? kan? :)

Let's see.. at the top of my head, I can list down 2 reasons why the cycle is behaving badly..

1. after seeing not-baby-blue guy. Hormones racing, maybe? Hey, I am not to blame cause he does look like he has the body of Jacob Black from Twilight. His face is like Chuck from Gossip Girl. In case you don't know, I have a crush on these 2 actors. Maybe seeing these characteristics on one person, in real flesh can do wonders to my hormones. Hahahhaha...
2. too much intake of Chocolate purchased from the recent Langkawi getaway. No further comments on that.

It's also bothering me because I can't sembahyang now. bila dah lama tak perform prayers, rasa tak sedap hati, seriously. :( Could this is be a test and lesson about Allah S.W.T nikmat to me? the nikmat to do ibadah? Pls Ya Allah, can I have the nikmat back?

Ever since the abnormal cycle, mood swing also happens. pastu rasa 'down' pun sometimes ada.

I hate these feelings.

New year and what nots

I'm in denial.

I can't really be a consistent blogger. The urge is there now and then. But for it to materialise, well just see the frequency of my posts!

It's the eve of new year! a decade has gone in this millenium. wasn't it yesterday we celebrated the Millenium?? cepatnya dah 10 tahun!

Blogging from work. last day of the year. takde sapa kat office. work pun takde lagi.. did i mention to you that I've changed my job? :)

Work-life balance is in store in my current company. I'm loving it! tapi so far part work tu tak banyak lagi.. hahahha.. haih Lina... banyak keje complain, takde keje pun complain.

ok chow! 5:15 PM !

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!

P/S: Wishing I could go out celebrate this new year, but i don't think there's any plans for that, as far as my family is concerned. So balik rumah je kot...and main Wii !!

My Dear..

I wish I could have done more.
I wish I had given you more support as a friend.
I wish I could be there to comfort you.
I wish I can call you to hear your voice and know that you're ok.
I wish I could see you to know that you are doing fine.

But who am I to you?
Who am I to call you everyday?
Who am I to constantly be there for you?

SMS, I can. But how many SMS should I send?
I'm afraid that I'm stepping over the line..which might push you away..
For I know, that space is what you need right now.

And that is why I pray...
I pray that you'll be ok.
I pray that you and your family will cruise through this tough time.
I pray that arwah will rest in peace.

This is your time of suffering.
Sometimes I wonder when my time will be.
How I will carry through Allah SWT's test.
But I dare not delve into this matter now.
What I learn from all this is that I should cherish my parents.
To be thankful for still being able to see my parents everyday.
It's a wake up call. A call that I, we as humans, need to be reminded of once in a while.
For life is short, and we never know who will go next..

Until we meet again. My dear, I hope that you take good care of yourself.


**A close friend's dad left this world earlier this week. Al-fatihah to his dad. May he rest in peace and tergolong dlm org2 yg beriman....Ameen. **

*** I doubt this friend is reading this. But if he does, Alhamdulillah. Pls do take care of yourself ok!***

Is this what I've become? Pls no..

Things I rarely do nowadays:
1. Read the Holy Al-Quran at least once a day.
2. Read novels or chic-lits .
3. Keep in-touch with close(and best) friends.
4. Listen to music while in the train.
5. Blog
6. Go to cinemas

Things I find myself doing nowadays:
1. Think of work everyday (that includes weekends).
2. Cringe when some people's number from work appears on my mobile phone.
3. Drive by myself at night to sites.
4. Sleep while in the train on my way to work (if i manage to get a seat).

Things I should be doing:
1. More ibadah.
2. Exercise!
3. Find priorities in my life - carrier is not all there is.
4. Eat healthy.
5. Drink vege juice.

How to do what I should be doing?
1. Start simple, and build up.
2. Change my job. (eh?)

One

When one is fond of someone, what does one do? Quite a number of times, one thought of expressing one's feelings to that someone. BUT, one cannot say it out to that someone because one is too afraid of the outcome. Well, one does not want to be embarrassed and humiliated if that someone rejects one. What one is trying to avoid in the first place is that 'broken-hearted' outcome. Ok, maybe not thaaat severe..try disappointment..try dejected..try lost of a good friend..

One thinks that it would be better in April. Month to date, nothing has been brighter. One already invited that someone for an outdoor activity. Errkss, that someone seems not to be interested pulak. What else could one do? One is already feeling that one is clapping with one hand. Another thing that one feels uncomfortable with is the girl gets guy issue. Nevertheless, one's wise relative advised one that in this age, one should not feel uncomfortable to chase after guys(err, that definitely sounds weird. To heck with it..). The truth is, that special someone's type.. who is kind, fairly jaga agama, and good-looking(bolehlaa) do not pass by easy these days. So, one should go for it! One thinks so too. But one is still shy and doesn't have the guts to be super-outfront like that Gigi girl in "He's Just Not That Into You". By the way, one watched that movie last weekend, and one loves it!

To make matters worse, one is already thinking that that someone already found a special someone. Of course, one hasn't asked casually to that someone if that someone already has a special someone. One just couldn't get to that point...even casually!

One is willing to give up this silent fight(whatever that means). But that someone keeps coming back to one's head. One is also tired of playing the are-you-really-interested-in-me? game. One figures one should give up soon.

One thing one heard is that one should set love(or in this case, fondness) free and wait for it to come back by itself. Well, it's either that or ...

.....He's Just Not THAAAT Into Me....

ohhhhhh... crap...


P/S: Apparently I watched Bicentennial Man a kazillion times.

Warning: Bad, bad words inside

What is a four letter word that comes to my mind right now? Fuck. Shit. Damn. Crap. No, not Fuck as in sex. Fuck as in you are boiled-over-with-rage-fuck. Fuck as in your day just keeps dissapointing you. Of all these, I find Fuck is the most that does the job right, except I've never been able to blurt it out...not even unexpectedly. Frankly, saying Oh, Fuck! is much more appealing than Oh, Shit! or Oh,Damn!. Of course there is Celaka too. But Celaka is like too bad for me. I don't know why... There's Bollocks too, but when I heard it came out of Hugh Grant's mouth, I think Bollocks is not so brutal at all. To some, these words have become the essence of their every sentence. But to most well-mannered/civilized people, these are the words uttered when in shitty or raging situations....or even feeling shitty.

Now, that's a clue as to why you are finding me writing this, right this moment.

Don't mind my choice of words. Indeed, this blog is titled "Things I'll Never Say...only write". With that, I meant that I've never say out loud the 'F 'word, not once that I can remember, in my life(trying out saying that word out is a different story...). I only managed 'Eff', or 'Fish'(which is invented by my cousin, if I'm not mistaken). Shit is normal to me though. And crap too. Damn also. That's because they sound much more 'courteous' of all the bad words, and less severe too.

I myself wonder why we are so keen to speak sourly. It's appealing because you look cool saying it. Well, maybe you think you look cool. The fact is you don't. I don't. We don't.

Fuck it. That's the last corrupted 'F' word you'll get from me...I promise.