Down, down, down

This has been an 'eventful' week for me. Fingers and other parts crossed (no, not the religious cross. God help me, I'm a Muslim!) I hope it'll end fantastically with that relaxing Slumber/Makeover partaay hosted by my sis-in-law at PNB Derby Park Apartment. Yes! I sooo need the Karaoke therapy too!

Monday morning started with a lot of drama, tears, guilt, and even a handful of anger. It is hurtful when the one thing that I'm most scared of to happen to someone I love....the D word, and that someone had the courage to say to me "What? Do you want me to die soon?" with seriousness. It took me days to recover from this. Frankly, I have not recover a 100%. Tears welled up my eyes on those times that I think about it. How could she ask me that? I would NEVER wish that for her. This all started with the tons of laundry at the washing area after last weekend (no, not only mine, the others' laundry too). I never thought that the impact of that question/statement would hit me with so much force. It's like she thinks less of me, and those times that I do actually help-out means nothing to her. Those bitter feelings have gone away as the week rolled out. But the recovering part was hard to go through. I wish that we could talk things out, because at the moment, things are being left unsaid.

That being said, it didn't go any better as I had to do the RMS monthly report this week (which is stressful because numbers could be cruel to you) . Plus, I had to co-handle RMS-CAMEL training with the vendor. Plus, an unexpected task for me suddenly came out of nowhere, no thanks to a certain person. Did I mention that I reach home around 8pm every night this week? Being tired didn't make anything much easier. And oh, it's that time of the month. I guess my hormones did some somersaults...which made things a little bit more complicated and tensed.

My sinful saviour is chocolate. Of course, the primary saviour is God Almighty. Always doa that I would survive this, and things will eventually go well. Alhamdulillah, I am nearly completing the week. :)

And oh... what a mark in history...Good on ya Obama! I am still not ready to make nice to the previous administration.

Let's talk about love

There's a kind of love, that gives you the courage to be better than who you are, NOT less than who you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible.

- Nicholas Sparks, 'Nights in Rodanthe'


I didn't keep count how many times I cried while watching 'Nights in Rodanthe'. Truth be told, at times, without realizing that my tear factory was at work, tears streamed down my face. Yes, I'm a sucker for tear-jerkers. Even though it was quite a slow watch, anyone who cares about love would find that there's a really strong message in that movie. and maybe, just maybe, the fact that 2 of my favorite actors (Richard Gere and Diane Lane) are the leads, did make a difference on how my perspective of that movie went. I also want to mention that Richard Gere has NOT lost it at all. As old as he may be, he's still in my list of TOP 5 Most Sexy Actors of all times; Kevin Costner, Daniel Craig, Gabriel Macht, and Leo Dicaprio are the other four.


I'm in no position to say that I know all about love. Because the truth is, in my previous relationships, I've been confused and somewhat dumb-founded by the idea of being in love. Nevertheless, experience is still experience, and from my experience, it is easy to be in love, but to keep on being in love is not the teeniest bit easy at all. As time goes by, and as we know the other person more, we'll find their true colours ...and those colours could be as dull and horrible and yucky as KFC's Twister they produce nowadays (I bought one last week. Pfftt..A major let down. The wraps used to be so full of greens, big, and chunky and tasty, and filled with mouth-watering sauces. Baik beli Subway, ohkay!!!!!!!!) . God help me, I'm comparing them with food??? Ooops...And no, I'm not pin-pointing at any of my ex-es. Siapa terasa, terasa lah. Yup, they do deserve a better comparison, but I'm fasting right this minute (draft this when I was fasting), and as a result, food is in my mind! :p

Probably one of the greatest fear of mine is not finding THE ONE. The One that I couldn't be bored with. The One that would be my rock. The One who makes me laugh and cry. The One who I could tease and him doing the same to me. Even The One who will stay up with me to watch Tennis matches in the early hours of the morning (ha ha ha). The One that I could look at, and thank God for finding him. The One that I could hold on to and trust. As sappy as that sounds, which woman doesn't want that in their life?? genetically weird woman kot... But if I find someone, how would I know he's The One? Worse, what if he's The One for me, but to him, I'm not The One? Haisshhh...have I watched too many movies???

I was young when my first love came..not that I'm thaaat old now...but he was too much to cope with. I was 19 at that time. and the fact that I was in my first year of my undergrad degree, fights and unhappiness were just too much to handle. the end of our relationship could be due to me being immature in handling a relationship. or maybe due to him being clingy all the time. Heck, let bygones be bygones, but frankly, I wouldn't say that I regret the relationship. I look at it as a lesson. To be more wise and careful next time. It didn't kill me, it only made me stronger.

The next person came in a rush. Long distance didn't make it any better. was it a rebound? I myself do not know. I only know that I was unsure when he first asked me. But I told myself to give it a try. Nope, it didn't turn out good. And I'm awfully sorry for that. At the end of the day, I'm happy that we are still good friends. He still calls me once in a while.

The similarities of them both is that I'm the one who called the last shot. It's plain unimaginable (to me) that I can do that...twice. I gather it's my style of defense. Add a pinch of immaturaty, there you go..bye bye bye. When I look back now, I wish that I had not been too big of a quitter.

Now, why would I write about such personal stuff? It must be the hormones. It must be..

There may come a time when I think that this is just too personal to share. My mind is not navigating right now. So, if you are reading it now, lucky you..

My Kakak

I love, I love, I love my big sister, kakak. I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass last night...again...

Despite all, you are the one who is the sensible one..to be able to handle my mood swings and baseless anger at times, only you can do that (besides Mummy lah).

I love you kakak...and thanks for driving me to work, again.

XOXO

Why Dido and Missy could be my best buddies

It's 12.30-ish (AM). I've just done packing for the Terengganu escapade tomorrow night...or technically tonight. While waiting for the layer of mask on my face to dry off, let's get into the mood of my mini retreat to Camy's pad in Terengganu. (tmrw is a working day, to heck with it!). Gosh, it would be just like the old days. I'm all excited to be on this first trip with girlfriends since I came back from Australia. Yey! Yey! (and we'll be snorkeling too!)

Here's a few snippets of why I decided to put the subject as it is...

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea,
To travel the world alone and live my life more simply,
I have no idea what's happened to that dream,
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me.
- Dido, Life For Rent -

Let's take the train to anywhere,
I wanna feel the wind in my hair with you.
Let's tell them all, that soon they'll know,
How very wrong they were to think we'd never go.
- Missy Higgins, Don't Ever -

Aaahh, the sheer joy of escapades...

I should sleep now....nanite...

Friends That Matter

1. Anis MD

• My BFF-Best Friends Forever . I had someone who doesn't know what BFF means, hence the meaning...u know who you are ;)
• Anis is a woman pursued by many...hahahaha...(sorry anis, I just can't resist!). But for guys out there, sorry, she's already taken. :P
  
• Despite us being in Jasin for 2 years, and living in the same block and also the same wing, we were not close...until the phase of Sunway College arrived.
• In Sunway College, I lived with her in the same apartment for weeks only (or is it a month? cannot remember. But it was not long.) But in such a short time, I discovered that Anis is like me. We bonded well. She knows what I like, want, and need .. and i too the same of her. Finding a girlfriend who is similar to me and understands me, at that time, is a first in my life. No wonder when she left Sunway College to pursue her Medic dream, i felt hollow. And no more shopping trips with her to Pyramid after she left? na-uh, not cool!
• This one time, I used to breakdown real hard when I was in Australia..all due to programming stuff. The worst I became in my life. No hope. No aim. I don't even have the nerve to talk to Mummy or Baba. Anis was the only person I can think of to talk to. I felt much better after that. That's also the beauty of being a muslim. When you are lost, Allah SWT will guide you. Even if sometimes you don't feel like you've been guided. Think again..because Allah SWT did play a role. And if not for having a religion to grasp on to and anis's shoulder to cry on, I think I would not have found my way here.
  
• On a lighter note, WE ARE shopaholics and shopaholics can't get enough of Sophie Kinsella's creations. :)
• Anis could be the candidate who could complete my sentence. Though, how I wish I could have the same from the other gender...;)
  
• We each have a pair of the same Goggles jeans (which I still wear), and the same stripey black-orange t-shirt. And no, we haven't gone out wearing the same clothes. errr..boria is kind of creepy.
  
• We think the same thinks, we like the same likes. The rest as they say, is history.
• Hold on...if we like the same likes, and my kind of guy is her kind of guy....O-Owww, danger! hehehe...no lah, let's not get guys in our way kan, Anis? =D
  

2. Raimi Slumber

• Those who know me well, and know Raimi well, would have this same perception ---> Raimi and I are 2 different people with different personalities. And it's a wonder how we could live together for 4 years in Australia. Hehehe..i guess the secret behind this is the fact that we are 2 dreamers who can't get enough of travelling and the taste of adventure.
  
• Raimi is the intelligent one. A 'First Class' lady herself, Raimi would always ace her exams. My 'sifu' in studies could be impatient (at times lah..hehehe. sorry,but sometimes, i can be slow to pick up!), but she's not 'kedekut ilmu' or knowledge stingy (???), as they say. Always there to help others to learn, Miss Raimi proved that she is a saint. And saints always get good marks! Indeed!
• One of our greatest cheapskate adventure: Going to Thirsty Merc concert at Adelaide Unibar...except we were not inside. We were outside the bar, on the stairs of Union Building (where the bar is located), and opening our ears widely to hear Thirsty Merc's songs behind the wall.
  

Lina: Eh, stage kat blakang dinding ni lah. patut lah boleh dgr. clear jugak lah (it wasn't that clear..more dBs than recognizable sounds). hah, ni ade lubang kecik. cepat letak mic mp3 kat sini. boleh record concert nih (that was a time when i was so naive..ok lah..not naive, more to stupid...you cannot record a concert using an mp3 with a microphone opening o f 1 cm. Bull*#@t sound is what you get!)

later on...

Raimi: Eh, lagu Someday, Someday! Eh chop...bukan lah..ke lagu Summertime hah? (squinting eyes and trying hard to hear through the wall..). Someday, Someday lah...ala, maksudnye concert ni nak habis dah..

• Raimi is my driver in Adelaide. Hahahha..That's because I'm crap at driving a manual car. I tried once or twice...errr..with the condition of our dirt-mobile, i dare not sacrifice the lives of others on the road. O=)
• I wouldn't have completed my undergraduate degree on time, without Raimi. She was a motivator, a reason to push myself to be at her level (though I couldn't really get there..hehehe), and of course a good friend and shoulder to cry on when those treacherous programming burden took stage.

3. FA the Wise

• My steady chat buddy.
• The wise one.
• Time and time again, she tries to convince me that I'm still young. OK (but that's only because she's OLDer than me). hehhe. i think i'm old lah...for a 23 year-old...I AM old. Old enough to not do the stuff I used to do, like playing at the playground and being plain silly. Gosh, it's tiring to be matured.
  
• Always the one who wins arguments/issues (being the wise one does that to her).
  
• I will always be younger than her. That's the cool part. hehehhe..and I could use that as my defense. and on those rare occasions, make fun of her....yes, i repeat, rare occasions only.
  
• I could consider her as a big sister. What with all the advices!! hehehe. No, really, i treasure those do's and don'ts, Kak FA. :)
• A good companion on those dreary/stressful/sleepy office hours.

P/S: Family members are not suppose to be in this list. So, if anyone kecik hati/merajuk, don't!!

What's left of humanity

Take a step back towards the uncivilized world. Back then, all the funky gizmos that we have now just didn't exist. In the age of dinosaurs (as Malays would say...'zaman dinosor'), humans lived WITHOUT half the things that we are depending on to go through our daily lives today. By that, I mean mobile phones, cars, internet, computer, electricity yada yada yada. Of course, me myself am amazed at any cool gadgets that is invented. However, what troubles me most is....within the hype of discovering new things, humans became less educated, less aware, less interested, and less concern about the subject of...humanity...which is what made us called humans in the first place, if i were to put it directly.


How is it that a girl is raped back in an alley somewhere? How is it that mass murders were conducted because the others belonged to another religion? How is it that a group of people decided to hijack planes and bang them into a tower? How is it that a suicide bomber killed himself and sacrificed others around him in the good name of a religion? How is it that a country decided to wreck a whole nation just to find a man who was believed to have weapons of mass destructions(and oh, they still couldn't find the so-called weapons even after the man served his death-sentence? How is it that a man decided to have a shooting spree at a school? How is it that a man fathers his own daughter's children? How? How is it that these people DID NOT have an ounce of humanity in them, to go about in this world and toyed with lives?


As a Muslim, I am going to touch on the basics of Islam. Islam itself means 'peace'. It saddens me that some people tarnished the name of Islam. How could suicide bombings create peace? Yes, we are allowed to defend ourselves when situations arise. But that's the end of it. Full stop. To roam around bombing and killing innocent people is not the right path to peace.


News of this and that, here and there, just puzzled me on why such things had taken place. The fact is, we are eating ourselves away. Civilization is just a mirage after all. We want to believe that we are civilized, but how could we, when unimaginable things are occurring right in front of us. Could it be that the more we seek, the less we become? If that's the case, I dread the future. Because by then, most people are not worth the term human-beings anymore. And that's a recipe for disaster for this world.

a quicky

i need a break from figures, charts, explanations...and oh..RMS...

effects of early month reporting.

and why is the RTD data doesn't tally with RMS ????

oh, maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

oh, and selamat hari raya everyone! my Raya was jam-packed with drama, fun, and traffic jams.

and why am i having diarrheoa...again??

ok, bye..baba needs me to be at his office in a jiffy.