Let's talk about love

There's a kind of love, that gives you the courage to be better than who you are, NOT less than who you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible.

- Nicholas Sparks, 'Nights in Rodanthe'


I didn't keep count how many times I cried while watching 'Nights in Rodanthe'. Truth be told, at times, without realizing that my tear factory was at work, tears streamed down my face. Yes, I'm a sucker for tear-jerkers. Even though it was quite a slow watch, anyone who cares about love would find that there's a really strong message in that movie. and maybe, just maybe, the fact that 2 of my favorite actors (Richard Gere and Diane Lane) are the leads, did make a difference on how my perspective of that movie went. I also want to mention that Richard Gere has NOT lost it at all. As old as he may be, he's still in my list of TOP 5 Most Sexy Actors of all times; Kevin Costner, Daniel Craig, Gabriel Macht, and Leo Dicaprio are the other four.


I'm in no position to say that I know all about love. Because the truth is, in my previous relationships, I've been confused and somewhat dumb-founded by the idea of being in love. Nevertheless, experience is still experience, and from my experience, it is easy to be in love, but to keep on being in love is not the teeniest bit easy at all. As time goes by, and as we know the other person more, we'll find their true colours ...and those colours could be as dull and horrible and yucky as KFC's Twister they produce nowadays (I bought one last week. Pfftt..A major let down. The wraps used to be so full of greens, big, and chunky and tasty, and filled with mouth-watering sauces. Baik beli Subway, ohkay!!!!!!!!) . God help me, I'm comparing them with food??? Ooops...And no, I'm not pin-pointing at any of my ex-es. Siapa terasa, terasa lah. Yup, they do deserve a better comparison, but I'm fasting right this minute (draft this when I was fasting), and as a result, food is in my mind! :p

Probably one of the greatest fear of mine is not finding THE ONE. The One that I couldn't be bored with. The One that would be my rock. The One who makes me laugh and cry. The One who I could tease and him doing the same to me. Even The One who will stay up with me to watch Tennis matches in the early hours of the morning (ha ha ha). The One that I could look at, and thank God for finding him. The One that I could hold on to and trust. As sappy as that sounds, which woman doesn't want that in their life?? genetically weird woman kot... But if I find someone, how would I know he's The One? Worse, what if he's The One for me, but to him, I'm not The One? Haisshhh...have I watched too many movies???

I was young when my first love came..not that I'm thaaat old now...but he was too much to cope with. I was 19 at that time. and the fact that I was in my first year of my undergrad degree, fights and unhappiness were just too much to handle. the end of our relationship could be due to me being immature in handling a relationship. or maybe due to him being clingy all the time. Heck, let bygones be bygones, but frankly, I wouldn't say that I regret the relationship. I look at it as a lesson. To be more wise and careful next time. It didn't kill me, it only made me stronger.

The next person came in a rush. Long distance didn't make it any better. was it a rebound? I myself do not know. I only know that I was unsure when he first asked me. But I told myself to give it a try. Nope, it didn't turn out good. And I'm awfully sorry for that. At the end of the day, I'm happy that we are still good friends. He still calls me once in a while.

The similarities of them both is that I'm the one who called the last shot. It's plain unimaginable (to me) that I can do that...twice. I gather it's my style of defense. Add a pinch of immaturaty, there you go..bye bye bye. When I look back now, I wish that I had not been too big of a quitter.

Now, why would I write about such personal stuff? It must be the hormones. It must be..

There may come a time when I think that this is just too personal to share. My mind is not navigating right now. So, if you are reading it now, lucky you..